This hasn’t been an easy summer.  I feel raw emotionally.  I’ve lost three uncles in the last two months.  I’ve celebrated the anniversaries of the deaths of three grandparents.  I’ve been places where these people should have been, where they were loved, where they were expected–places where they shone.

And I’ve heard about people getting cancer who should be too young to have to deal with cancer.  And children being separated from their parents.  And children and families dying in car accidents and fires and floods.

And if I’m not careful, all of this emotional weight just piles on top of my soul weighing me down.  Not to mention, I tend to absorb other’s emotions like a sponge.

So what do I do with it all?

I could bury myself in busy.

But that only puts off the inevitable cry-fest and makes it worse.

Staunching emotions, ignoring them, only makes things worse in the long run.

But I can’t just cry whenever I feel like it.  I can’t curl up in the fetal position, wrap myself in my fuzzy blankets, and just stay in bed for a couple of days when I feel like I can’t move because I’m so overcome with grief or depression.

So what to do?

It’s hard to say, really.   Different times in life call for different things.  But here are a few tools I try to remember when I’m dealing with a lot of emotions.

1. Prioritize.  What absolutely needs to get done?  Dishes.  Laundry.  Watering the garden so the plants don’t die.  Feeding the dog.  What doesn’t need to be done?  The bathroom can go another week.  That box of stuff that needs to be sorted can wait until winter.
2. Self-care.  Take some extra time in the mornings to add a little pampering into the routine.  Make some time for a bubble bath.  Take a walk.  Do some stretches or yoga.  Read that book you’ve been wanting to read forever.  If you slow your morning down this way, you won’t feel as rushed and stressed when you have to leave the house for work or whatever.  You know, until you realize that you left your mug of tea and your lunch in the house and then rush back inside.  And part of self-care is knowing when to say yes to dinner with friends and knowing when to take a rain check.
3. Plan.  Make time in your week for your emotions.  Give yourself permission to feel all the things.  Grab a brand new box of tissue.   Put on a movie that always makes you cry.  That way it won’t feel so weird when you start crying your eyes out.   Sometimes it just takes a catalyst to get the tears started.
4. Laugh.  Like I make time to feel all the things, I make time to laugh.  There are a half dozen movies that make me laugh every single time I watch them.  It’s a good reminder that there is still joy.  Sometimes, I find myself an empty swing set at a park and swing for awhile.  I can’t help but laugh.
5. Opt in.  Look for the good things.  Listen to that Pandora station that uplifts.  Find a book that makes you laugh.  Spend time with supportive, understanding people.
6. Opt out.  Avoid the negative, soul-sucking people if you can.  Skip stressful family situations if you can.  Don’t add any more stress than you can handle right now.  It takes some trial and error to figure out what that is.  And it will likely vary with every situation.
7. Listen.  Pay attention to what your body is telling you.  Are you holding your breath?  Clenching your teeth?  Biting your tongue so you don’t say something you will definitely regret.  Then it’s time for de-stressing.

Grief, depression, anger…are not easy emotions.  Learning how to best handle them without meltdowns or blowups is a process and each one of us is different.

So that’s what I’m trying to do right now.  It’s not easy.  And I will probably cry myself to sleep I don’t know how many times.  The worst of the grief will pass eventually.