Have you ever watched a nature show and the narrator says some stuff that you just can’t help but talk back to?
No?
Maybe that’s just me.
Sometime last year I was watching this show about some cheetahs in the African Savannah (I think). And the narrator was saying in his fine, British-accented voice, “If the young cheetahs don’t learn how to hunt on their own, they will die.”
And I quipped, “Adapt or die, man. Adapt or die.
Adapt or die
I can’t stop thinking about what I said.
I mean, it’s true for more than just cheetahs…and lions and tigers and bears. Oh my!
It’s pretty much true for just about any living thing if you think about it.
Plants adapt to their environments in order to grow and thrive. Certain plants have adapted to the forest floor with less light than the trees that grow as high as they can toward the sun.
Animals learn the best places to look for food, to find water, to hide. Most types of animals have their own types of camouflage.
And those of us who call ourselves human have learned our own ways of adapting.
it starts in childhood
What were your parents like when you were growing up?
Chances are you had to adapt in one way or another to the way your parents did thing. Whether your home was healthy or not. It could be as basic as the fact that you’re an introvert and your parents expected you to act like an extrovert.
Or maybe your parents just couldn’t handle negative emotions from anyone and you learned quickly to not let your sadness or hurt or anger or fear be seen. It was safer that way.
One of my favorite podcasters likes to ask, “Who were you before life told you who you were supposed to be?”
We all have to adapt
If you parents were healthy enough that they let you be yourself and you didn’t have to adapt, then you probably had to adapt to something at school.
That one teacher forced everyone to give a presentation in class and you got a bad grade because you were so shy and barely got through it.
Then there were those girls in high school that you really really really wanted to hang out with because they were just so cool, so you acted the way they acted and dressed the way they dressed.
And that one job that you really wanted because it was a step up from where you were and on the way to where you wanted to go had a bit more sales in it than you’d prefer. But you do the selling because it’ll hopefully get you where you want to go.
do you really know who you are?
With all this adapting that we do, it’s a wonder that some of us even know who we are.
That’s why so many of us end up in therapy
And so many more really need to.
That’s really what therapy is at its core. It’s self-discovery. It’s finding out who you really are under all of that armor and adaptation.
You don’t have to do therapy in order to figure all that out, but it sure helps. It’s easy to get stuck.
You see, it’s all of this self-discovery (whether you do it alone or with company) that helps us see our adaptations. And in seeing our adaptations, we can determine if they are still working for us.
Maybe you used to make yourself as small as possible so you could avoid the abusive person in your family of origin. Or maybe you stuff all of the negative emotions because someone in your family wouldn’t allow them.
I’m going to guess that those adaptations aren’t working for you now.
But maybe you’ve moved a million times and you’re really good at packing boxes and loading the truck and you could do all of that in your sleep. Granted, you probably have issues with change, but your friends always ask you to help them when they move because they know their china is safe in your hands.
That particular adaptation could really work for you. Especially if you wanted to start a moving company.
In the meantime, here’s some not-exactly-light reading.
Adult Children of Immature Parents
Seriously informative stuff, but not necessarily easy to read. You won’t regret it, though. I know I haven’t.
And if you like podcasts and memoirs, check out Ian Cron’s podcast, Typology, and his memoir, Jesus, My Father, the CIA, and Me. Ian talks about a lot of this type of stuff on his podcast, along with the Enneagram. In his memoir, he talks a lot about how his father and their life circumstances shaped him and his childhood.
You can also check out one of my posts from last year about self-talk to find another book to read.
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